2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly . . . → Read More: UNIVERSAL LAW]]> 1. Law of Mechanical Repair – After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you’ll have to pee.

2. Law of Gravity – Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act

4. Law of Random Numbers – If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers

5. Law of the Alibi – If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

6. Variation Law – If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

7. Law of the Bath – When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

9. Law of the Result – When you try to prove to someone that a machine won’t work, it will.

10. Law of bio mechanics – The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

11.. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena – At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle, always arrive last. They are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over. The folks in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies, and stay to the bitter end of the performance. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

12. The Coffee Law – As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

13. Murphy’s Law of Lockers – If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

14. Law of Physical Surfaces – The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor, are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet or rug.

15. Law of Logical Argument – Anything is possible if you don’t know what you are talking about.

16. Brown’s Law of Physical Appearance – If the clothes fit, they’re ugly.

17. Oliver’s Law of Public Speaking – A closed mouth gathers no feet.

18. Wilson’s Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy – As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

19. Doctors’ Law – If you don’t feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you’ll feel better. But don’t make an appointment, and you’ll stay sick.

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[Show . . . → Read More: Christchurch New Zealand Earthquake Photos]]> These photos are taken from various sources on the internet.
I have copied these to my own server rather than hotlinking which keeps the load down on other people servers.

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Its a made up keyword for the 2010 NZ SEO competition.I have not entered the competition but its intersting that google now has over 8000 hits for the word Quadracentifiable.

I think it an interesting word that provokes a bit of thought and theory.

Click here for more . . . → Read More: Quadracentifiable]]> Give your opinion on what Quadracentifiable means?

Its a made up keyword for the 2010 NZ SEO competition.
I have not entered the competition but its intersting that google now has over 8000 hits for the word Quadracentifiable.

I think it an interesting word that provokes a bit of thought and theory.

Click here for more info on this

Any ideas or theories? comment below.

Tax his work, Tax his pay, He works for peanuts Anyway!

Tax his cow, Tax his goat, Tax his pants, Tax his coat.

Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink, Tax him if he Tries to think..

Tax his car, Tax his . . . → Read More: Taxes, Who needs them or this many?]]> Tax his land,
Tax his bed,
Tax the table
At which he’s fed.

Tax his work,
Tax his pay,
He works for peanuts
Anyway!

Tax his cow,
Tax his goat,
Tax his pants,
Tax his coat.

Tax his tobacco,
Tax his drink,
Tax him if he
Tries to think..

Tax his car,
Tax his gas,
Find other ways
To tax his ass.

Tax all he has
Then let him know
That you won’t be done
Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;
Then tax him some more,
Tax him till
He’s good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he’s laid.

When he’s gone,
Do not relax,
It’s time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Airline surcharge tax
Airline Fuel Tax
Airport Maintenance Tax
Building Permit Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Death Tax
Dog License Tax
Driving Permit Tax
Environmental Tax (Fee)
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment (UI)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Tax (too much per litre)
Gross Receipts Tax
Health Tax
Hunting License Tax
Hydro Tax
Inheritance Tax
Interest Tax
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Mortgage Tax
Personal Income Tax
Property Tax
Poverty Tax
Prescription Drug Tax
Provincial Income and sales tax
Real Estate Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
Retail Sales Tax
Service Charge Tax
School Tax
Telephone Federal Tax
Telephone Federal, Provincial and Local
Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Water Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax
— and in 2010 the Harmonized Sales Tax

STILL THINK THIS IS FUNNY?

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years
ago, & our nation was one of the most
prosperous in the world. We had absolutely
no national debt, had a large middle
class, and Mom stayed home to raise the
kids.

What in “Hell” happened? Can you spell
‘politicians?’

This is simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl…

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards . . . → Read More: How to wash a cat.]]> How to wash a cat

This is simply too much of a time saver not to share it with you.

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to
the water in the bowl…

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the
bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement put the cat in the toilet and close the
lid. You may need to stand on the lid.

4. At this point the cat will self agitate and make ample suds.
Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually
enjoying this!

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a
‘Power-Wash’ and ‘Rinse’.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there
are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand well back, behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly
lift the lid.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the
bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the toilet and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Yours Sincerely,
The Dog

Overview: I had to take my son’s lizard to the vet.

Here’s what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came . . . → Read More: The Lizard]]> If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet
Syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below
Will have you laughing out LOUD!

Overview: I had to take my son’s lizard to the vet.

Here’s what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
“something wrong” with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner
In his room.

“He’s just lying there looking sick,” he told me. “I’m
Serious, Dad. Can you help?”

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him
Into his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back,
Looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.

“Honey,” I called, “come look at the lizard!”

“Oh, my
Gosh!” my wife exclaimed. “She’s having babies.”

“What?”
My son demanded. “But their names are Bert and Ernie, Mom!”

I was equally outraged.

“Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we didn’t want them to
Reproduce,” I said accusingly to my wife.

“Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their
Cage?” she inquired. (I think she actually said this sarcastically!)

“No, but you were supposed to get two boys!”

“Yeah,
Bert and Ernie!” my son agreed.

“Well, it’s just a little hard to tell on some guys, you
Know,” she informed me. (Again with the sarcasm!)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was going on.
I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

“Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience,” I
Announced. “We’re about to witness the miracle of birth.”

“Oh, gross!” they shrieked.

We
Peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked like a tiny foot
Would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second later.

“We don’t appear to be making much progress,” I noted.

“It’s breech,” my wife whispered, horrified.

“Do something, Dad!” my son urged.

“Okay, okay.” Squeamishly, I reached in and grabbed the
Foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug. It disappeared. I tried
Several more times with the same results.

“Should I call 911?” my eldest daughter wanted to know.

“Maybe they could talk us through the trauma.” (You see a
Pattern here with the females in my house?)

“Let’s get Ernie to the vet,” I said grimly. We drove to
The vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.

“Breathe, Ernie, breathe,” he urged.

The vet took Ernie back to the examining room and peered at the
Little animal through a magnifying glass.

“What do you think, Doc, a C-section?” I suggested
Scientifically.

“Oh, very interesting,” he murmured. “Mr. And Mrs.
Cameron, may I speak to you privately for a moment?”

I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.

“Is Ernie going to be okay?” my wife asked.

“Oh, perfectly,” the vet assured us. “This lizard is
Not in labor. In fact, that isn’t EVER going to happen. . Ernie is a boy.
You see, Ernie is a young male. And occasionally, as they come into
Maturity, like most male species, they um . . Um . . . Masturbate. Just the
Way he did, lying on his back.” He blushed, glancing at my wife.

We were silent, absorbing this.

“So, Ernie’s just, just .. . . Excited,” my wife offered.

“Exactly,” the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my vicious, cruel wife started to giggle. And
Giggle. And then even laugh loudly.

Tears were now running down her face. “It’s just … That …I’m
Picturing you pulling on its .. . . Its. . Teeny little . . “

She gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once more.

“That’s enough,” I warned. We thanked the vet and hurriedly
Bundled the lizard and our son back into the car. He was glad everything
Was going to be okay.

“I know Ernie’s really thankful for what you did, Dad,” he
Told me.

“Oh, you have NO idea,” my wife agreed, collapsing with
laughter.

Two lizards: $140.

One cage: $50.

Trip to the vet: $30.

Memory of your husband pulling on a lizard’s winkie:

Priceless!

Moral of the story: Pay attention in biology class.